Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
