Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think my fart just growled at me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I deserve this hangover.
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