The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
