He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
