I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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