Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
