Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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