allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
