Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
