Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
