dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
