I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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