My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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