i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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