Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
