So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
