just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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