I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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