He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
