Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
