it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
