doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
