shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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