so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
