dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
