hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize