i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
