drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
