Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
