I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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