Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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