I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
