I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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