FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
