i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
