I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
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got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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