Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
