He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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