Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
