I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
