i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
