before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
