my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
