I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Two words: blizzard sex
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
