You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
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I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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