suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
