Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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