After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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