we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
