1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
