I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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