I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
