I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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