Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
