were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize