fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
