remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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