So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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