just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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