I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
